I am a student at Tawa Intermediate School in Wellington, New Zealand. I am in Room 15 and a member of the amazing Huia Syndicate. My teacher is Stephanie Thompson.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Writing Sample

Characters: Jake, Tony and Ben.

Where: A small village called Danville   
The problem that things start to disappear.
An evil villain starts taking things with a machine.
The problem is solved by Jake, Tony and Ben.

The Take A Na-tor

It was a beautiful sunny morning is Danville. There were people mowing their lawns, having a cup of coffee with friends but it was different for Tony, Ben and Jake , they were playing video games on their Xbox. They were having so much fun, but then suddenly the Xbox disappeared so did the TV.

“What just happened, where's the Xbox and the TV?”, said Jake.

“I’m scared”, said Ben.

“Oh, don’t be a little cry baby”, said Tony.

Even more things started to disappear.

“OK, that's it, we have to put a stop to this because if we don’t everything in the whole village might disappear, who's with me?”, said Jake.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you”, said Ben.

“I'm with you mate”, said Tony

So Ben, Jake and Tony are off on a mission to find out why things are disappearing.

“I know what we can do, we will go outside and see if anything is gone”, said Ben.

“Ok, let’s do this”, said Jake.

The boys went outside to see if anything was missing. There was, lampposts, park bench and there were a whole lot of other stuff that were missing too.

“I think it’s an evil villain with machine called the Take A Na-tor”, said Tony.

“I think so too”, said Ben.

"I think you guys are right", said Jake.

They went searching for an evil villain who had a machine and they found the evil villain who had a machine called The Take A Na-tor. So Ben was right.

The End


  1. Ha lol. Nice story I liked it. Next time you could use metaphors like "he was a strong bull" and similes like "he was as slow as a snail". Maybe we could be internet buddy's. my name is Cody I am 12 and I'm from room 5 Melville Intermediate.

  2. Hi Joshua! :)

    Awesome story! :) i really enjoyed it :) I laughed how Ben said 'I'm scared' and Then tony said 'oh, dont be a cry baby.' that was probably my favourite part :)

    room 5
    Melville Intermediate

  3. Hi Josh,

    Very engaging writing! I am a little concerned about Tony. He seems to have insider knowledge about how things are disappearing! Perhaps he is involved?

    I like the way you use dialogue to add interest and push your writing forward. Perhaps for your next story, you might like to try some figurative language like onomatopeia e.g. Bang! Crash!

    Well done, Josh.

  4. Hi Josh! Good story 'ya' made, good amount of detail in there. If you wrote it again maybe you could make the three friends defeat the villain somehow, but if it's only a 100 word story, then it's okay. Good work overall.

    Mitchell L Room 13


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